


When Is A Monster Not A Monster?

by SherlockWolf



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: <3, M/M, Mentions of Natasha Romanoff - Freeform, i guess, i think thats it, i'm trying to be inclusive tonight aren't you kids lucky, idk - Freeform, it's exactly one sentance so...?, mentions of Nick Fury - Freeform, mentions of time-period homophobia, warning for mention of child-murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 08:05:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4658997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockWolf/pseuds/SherlockWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off of a manip. I saw on tumblr. Link in the notes. Emotions, angst, cuddling, fluff, canon divergence, the works. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Is A Monster Not A Monster?

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to see the graphic before you read it may make it more emotional for you. Idk. Here it is: http://sherlockwolf.tumblr.com/post/127613412506/bishopchavez-when-is-a-monster-not-a-monster  
> My blog is a teeny bit wonky so scroll down once the page loads.   
> Alternatively you can view it here: http://bishopchavez.tumblr.com/post/103109044971/when-is-a-monster-not-a-monster-oh-when-you-are

_“When is a monster not a monster?”_

_“Oh. When you love it.”_

~

    After the encounter with Bucky—the Winter Soldier—on the bridge, Steve can’t think of anything else. Fury being alive is a helpful distraction but it’s not enough. As soon as he and Natasha are out on the streets again, Steve gets wrapped up in worry over the whereabouts and wellbeing of his long lost best friend.

    His best friend, who has been forced into the form of a monster.

    After the encounter with the Winter Soldier, the future becomes a living nightmare.

~

    It’s when he’s being beat to death by the Winter Soldier that Steve realizes something.

    The Winter Soldier may be a monster, but Bucky Barnes was not, is not, and never will be.

    And if Steve can get to the part of the man’s soul that’s still Bucky…they’ll both have a chance.

~

    Bucky’s home. Steve never would have thought that he’d get this: a domestic life with his best friend constantly at his side, free to be who they are and what they are with a promise of—hopefully—forever.

    It’s a blessing.

~

    They’re hidden away in the underground “bunker” they found that would hide them from the Registration Act. The world is a mess above them, and the friends, foes, and acquaintances who have taken their side are antsy outside the door of the “bedroom” Steve and Bucky had claimed as their own.

    It’s taken both of them some time to adjust to people not trying to arrest—or kill—them for their relationship. But that’s not the only adjustment they’ve had to or will have to make. Steve and Bucky are good at rolling with the punches; always have been.

    During the nights in the safe haven of their little room, Steve and Bucky find themselves wrapped in each other’s arms, content to lie there forever and spend the time remembering their old life together.

     Bucky remembers little things every day. Every few days he remembers something vital. It’s exciting for both of them, even on the days when the memory is something painful and they wind up spending hours holding each other and letting the emotions ride themselves out.

     One particular evening, the pair is tucked away in their room for the night when Bucky remembers a murder the Winter Soldier committed.

    He whispers to Steve that the victims were children, and the feelings of pity and guilt that wash through Steve’s heart are briefly overwhelming.

    But when he tells Steve, through choked words and half sobs, that he thinks he’s a monster for it. Steve instantly refutes the idea.

    _‘Hydra is at fault for all of it, Buck, not you. Never you. You were just as much of a victim of that evil as anyone.’_

_‘I’m a monster, Stevie. I’ve murdered so many people.’_

_‘No. Bucky, no. It wasn’t you, you know that.’_

_‘I could’ve stopped it-.’_

_‘It’s not your fault, Buck. It’s not, shh, it’s not.’_

    Stroking fingers through locks of hair calms Bucky down most times when a memory pains him, but tonight Bucky is still shaking from sobs and the soothing motion does nothing. While Steve continues to run fingers through his hair, Bucky pulls him as close as he physically can and holds him—gently—as if the world were ending.

    _‘How can you love me? I’m a monster.’_

_‘You aren’t. And you know why I love you, silly.’_

_‘But Steve-.’_

_‘There’s no but’s about it, Buck. You’re not a monster because I love you. You’re not a monster because you love me. You’re not a monster because you didn’t hurt anyone. Hydra did. Not you. Understand?’_

    The muffled _‘not really’_ isn’t reassuring, so Steve tightens his own hold on Bucky in an effort to make his meaning a slight bit clearer.

    There’s something Bucky doesn’t understand. When he was beating the life out of Steve on the helicarrier, still trapped in the brainwashed form of the Winter Soldier,Steve had realized something.

    The Winter Soldier was a monster.

    Bucky isn’t.

    The reason for the difference is simple:

    Bucky is loved. And he is not the Winter Soldier anymore.

-end-


End file.
